Cravings of the Soul

My heart and soul cry out to the living God.  He is the water for my soul.  He satisfies my every hunger, and He nourishes me.  The poison of this world has left me malnourished, toxic, and ill.  My Healer comes in with his strong right hand, with the power of His Word, and with the guidance of His Spirit to rescue and heal me.  With every fiber of my being, I open my mouth to receive His Word, I open my heart to receive His healing, I open my soul for Him to flood in. 

Oh God, help me to purge my body of the cravings for the things of the flesh, the things that destroy, the things that cause me to wallow in illness, in fatigue, and in apathy.  Help me to cling to that which is good and shun that which is harmful. 

Thank you, my God, my Redeemer, my Healer, and my Rock!

How long was the Phoenix in the ashes before she rose again?  What happened in those days in the grave?  Did she fully die before coming back to life?  What was the force that pulled her into the ashes?  What was the force that pushed her to ascend from the heap of ashes? 

Though I cried out in pain from anguish of the thorn, I couldn't bring myself to remove it for many years.  Something new is stirring in my heart. The thorn is pushing its way out. The old cry of pain is fading and a new song is springing into my heart.  The Phoenix is rising. 

I am compelled by something much greater than myself to live life fully, to rid myself of pain, and to fight for the health and life I crave and envision.  My God has not forced me to change but yet He has been blowing gently on the forgotten embers, relighting the fire, and bringing forth a new flame.  Oh please, let this fire encompass my whole being and burn away all that is dross.

Joy

My husband and I started dating one month after I turned fourteen years old.  I have always had a propensity to be melancholy at times, so even at fourteen, it was typical of me to answer his question, "How are you feeling?" with the simple one-word answer, "Content."  It would drive him crazy.  "Why can't you be happy?"  Well, I just always liked being content rather than happy.  I have always liked avoiding emotional highs and lows. I prefer being steadfast and have always just liked being "simply content."  In this contentment there is an unmistakable, unshakeable joy that fills my soul at all times.  Over the past few days, I have been down with a fever and a sinus infection and I've been suffering from the flu, but yet I am able to muster, "I am happy, blessed, and loved," from the pile of blankets and tissues.  I've felt my guts knotted up as I've grieved the loss of loved ones, and yet that immovable joy remains.  It's not a joy that rejoices in bad news, but this deep sense of belonging to something bigger, the ability to see things through a different lens.  There is a song that I love from the animated movie, Moses, Prince of Egypt called "Through Heaven's Eyes."  The joy that guards my heart is the same as the sense of being woven into these lyrics:

A single thread in a tapestry-
Though its color brightly shine-
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design.

And the stone that sits on the very top
Of the mountain's mighty face-
Does it think it's more important
Than the stones that form the base?

So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life,
Look at your life through heaven's eyes.

A lake of gold in the desert sand
Is less than a cool fresh spring-
And to one lost sheep, a shepherd boy
Is greater than the richest king.
If a man lose everything he owns,
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?

So how do you measure the worth of a man-
In wealth or strength or size?
In how much he gained or how much he gave?
The answer will come,
The answer will come to him who tries
To look at his life through heaven's eyes.

And that's why we share all we have with you,
Though there's little to be found.
When all you've got is nothing,
There's a lot to go around.
No life can escape being blown about
By the winds of change and chance,
And though you never know all the steps,
You must learn to join the dance-
You must learn to join the dance.

So how do you judge what a man is worth?
By what he builds or buys?
You can never see with your eyes on earth-
Look through heaven's eyes.
Look at your life,
Look at your life,
Look at your life through heaven's eyes!


Click here to watch the song "Through Heaven's Eyes" from the movie "The Prince of Egypt" on Youtube.

She's Flying!

Somewhere deep within me the fire bird has risen from the ashes and the cry to ascend and fly is now heard.  My own flesh rises from the ash heap as the screech of freedom resonates through my soul. With wings fully stretched, with renewed determination and force, and with the taste of victory over defeat still on her tongue, she flies forth from the ashes in to the heavens, ready to soar.

Feeling alive, Phoenix Rising, my pseudonym, is disguised in my stay-at-home-mom body, hidden somewhere in the mountains.  I've always told my children that I am a super hero in disguise, acting as an agent to bring hope, joy, and love to the world.  Of course, my older children know that I'm teasing, but my 4-year old son really believes I am Wonder Woman and that I just hide my suit.  Yet today, with God guiding me, strengthening me, and helping me, I'll pull on my palazzo pants, put on cotton batik shirt and slip into my cozy, fluffy socks.  I'll put on a tub of laundry, hug my children, and linger with them a bit as we draw our family as various produce (one of my children has this grand vision for an art project where we are all depicted as fruit or vegetables).  Finally, towards the end of the day, I'll read some Tozer and will finish writing a bible study on Moses.  In the evening, I'll feed my family leftovers, we'll watch a bit of "Phineas and Ferb," we will laugh together, and I'll pray with them and for them. 

What makes my life rich?  I am blessed to be surrounded with so many blessings and treasures. They are everywhere!  May I never take them for granted.